Chapter Twenty-Three: The End

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I'll never look into your eyes...again

My year in Korea has come and gone.  This will be the last blog entry so I hope you enjoyed reading about my impressions and experiences in Seoul.  Skip to the end if you want to see how follow in the future.


Korea is a country with both feet set firmly in the past, with eyes stretching towards the future, but with absolutely no thoughts about the present. What does living in a place like Korea do to your psyche?  My expectations have changed quite a bit in the last twelve months.  Here is what the last year has done to my thoughts.

I think that if I can't get my way, the solution is to make whiny noises until people give in.

I think coffee should cost twice as much as beer.

I think garlic bread and pasta sauce should always have sugar on it.

I think a bag of chips should be opened sideways.

Everytime someone says "That's very hot," I think "Hot. Hot.  That's very hot."

I also expect them to connect two objects not with a straight line but with the craziest squiggly line ever.

I think I need to apologize profusely if I want to leave the bars or clubs before 5 am.

I think that even with my windows closed, there is always an abnormal amount of dust that accrues in my apartment.

I think the mop/broom combination thing I have is inadequate to deal with said dust.

I think that, no matter where I'm eating, it's a good idea for the food to be served with sweet pickles.

No matter what the time of year is, I think bars should be simultaneously decorated for Xmas and Halloween.

I think it's okay to get one plastic bag even when I buy a month's worth of groceries.

I think I'm in a really fancy restaurant if our group gets more than one menu and we are allowed to keep it during our whole time there.

I think it's normal for korean kids to start chanting "ole," but, like them, I think it's spelled "olleh!" (hello backwards).

No matter where I am in the city, if the nearest 7-11 is more than 3 minutes away I think it's a major inconvenience.

I think it's perfectly normal for businessmen in otherwise formal attire to wear a snoopy or teddy bear sweater.

I think "panties" is a unisex word.

I think it's just a normal day when I see dozens of people on the subway and on the streets carrying cakes.

I think that when you go hiking, you shouldn't take food, maps, a compass, or even water.  If there aren't vending machines somewhere near the top of mountain, there will be a restaurant on the way.

I think that no matter where I am, there will be excerise equipment available.

I think my knowledge of grammar looks like this: "Subject is verb."  (Rex is run.  Teacher is cry?  James is no finish.)

I think wooden chopsticks seem clumsy, large and bulky.

I think it's normal even during drastic crayon shortages for there always to be too many peach.

I think I should be able to take a 20 minute walk, and see a dozen Paris Baguettes, Duncan Donuts, 7-11's, or Noraebongs, but if I see one garbage can I am truly surprised

I think every dinner table should have scissors and a roll of toilet paper.

I think any apartment big enough to fit more than two-three people is massive.

I think old women have the right to push me if I am in any way standing in their way.  Or even if I'm not.

If someone isn't standing as close as humanly possible to the person in front of them, I think it's okay to step in that space.

I think you can just bre
ak up words in English whenever you wa
nt to.





This blog is ending, but the journey is just getting started.  Future travels include hikes in Himalayas and the Pacific Northwest, a few months in SE Asia, and perhaps a visit to New Zealand before teaching again in Japan or Taiwan.

After two months in Nepal, I will meet Rachel in Bangkok and it will kick off.  Follow our adventures here: http://arewethereyeti.wordpress.com/

Chapter Twenty-Two: People as Places as People

To answer a question
It'll probably take more
If you're already there
Well then you probably don't know
Well we were the people
That we wanted to know
And we were the places that we wanted to go --Modest Mouse
 

Considering a move to the hermit kingdom?  Blogs and recruiters will tout the financial and cultural benefits, both of which, depending on your lifestyle, can be very true.  But there are other, less obvious benefits available to those whom risk the change in continent, lifestyle, and career.  Here are five of my favorites.

Racism: The other side of the coin. 


Most of the teachers here are white, and most of us hail from North America, the UK, or Oceania.   Though our generation has been raised with an emphasis on racial empathy, it's good to live somewhere where you are a minority.  Further, it's good to live somewhere where many people disapprove of you based on your skin color.  It will primarily help you examine your own beliefs and preconceptions about minorities in your own country.  Secondly, it is freeing to live in a world where people are predisposed to find you an annoyance or, at best, a novelty.

Corrupting the Youth


This will depend on whom you teach and how old they are, but many teachers here end up with kindergartners in the 4-7 age range.  Taking kids who don't have English names and who barely know the English alphabet and turning them into English speakers who, for example, love the Beatles, quote the Princess Bride and Bill and Ted, and who sing "We Will Rock You," has made my year very rewarding.  What would you teach youngsters about western culture?

You don't need Twitter for Social Networking

By about the age of 25, most people have their friends set for the rest of their life.  Moving to a new country is a great equalizer; everyone is in the same boat.  You can meet so many more people, in the big cities in particular, than moving to another city in your own country.  The social networking for expats is excellent--you can easily find clubs and organizations for everything to soccer, hiking, rafting, drinking, and improv theater. 



It's the Great Outdoors.

Seoul won't be mistaken for Edinburgh, Melbourne, or Paris any time soon.  But Korea is a scenic, beautiful country--minutes of leaving the city reveal a rolling green countryside that belies the uber-urbanization associated with South Korea.  The valleys are full of rocky swimmable rivers, the islands have gorgeous, campable beaches, and everywhere you go are the mountains.  Seoraksan, pictured here, is a vastly scenic area replete with hiking trails, hot springs, hermit caves, and waterfalls.



Information Vacuum

In many ways, this is my favorite.  Korea is already a little out of touch with the rest of the world, and without a tv (or at least without English news) you can escape the over-dramatized uber-sensational programming mislabeled as "news" in the west.  Escaping the barrage of banality is a major boon; the mental equivalent of selling most of your useless stuff and paring down to the essientals.  If your ears ache from hearing too much celebrity gossip, I suggest you start developing a taste for gimchi and start thinking about what to pack. 


In fairness, you will probably have more challenges in Korea than if you stayed in your home city.  I have known many teachers here who had great difficulties dealing with how different the people, attitudes, and the culture is.  But dealing with challenges isn't always a bad thing, either; if you are open to new things or want to become so, then teaching abroad may be for you.  If it's ever crossed your mind, I say "go for it!" 

Chapter Twenty-One: One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer

One bourbon, one scotch, one beer
Well I ain't seen my baby since I don't know when,
I've been drinking bourbon, whiskey, scotch and gin
Gonna get high man I'm gonna get loose,
need me a triple shot of that juice
Gonna get drunk don't you have no fear
I want one bourbon, one scotch and one beer
One bourbon, one scotch, one beer














Korea wants you to drink and it's not for nothing that the Koreans are known as "The Irish of Asia."  In addition to drinking vast amounts of alcohol, they are quite social about it.  Invitations to join people whose only common language is the international tongue of "drunk" are often forthcoming.  Korean media portrays alcohol as vital to health and some even suggest it can cure cancer.

There is a dark side to this too.  You don't have to live here long to see old women puking on the streets, sometimes quite early in the morning on their way home from the bars.  It's socially acceptable to pass out in the streets, on the subway, in an elevator, on a park bench, anywhere really.  Drinking in Korea is dangerous because many of the checks built into other countries don't exist.  Last Call?  No such thing.  Overserving?  Here that's known as "bartending."  Closing time?  Only when the last stragglers leave--and if that's at 8 in the morning, so be it.

Korea wants you to drink, but for those less interested in alcoholic drinks, many options exist.  From sweet potato lattes to delicious mocktails, you can always find something.  Coffee is everywhere, and in some places it is actually good..  It's usally in the 5 dollar range, however, and beer can cost as little as 2 dollars for a pint.  Korea wants you to drink.  Another consideration is that, unlike in the west, where pricing is based largely on alcohol percentage,  you can pay as much for a glass of lemonade as your friends did for their Long Island Ice Tea.  Korea wants you to drink.

Here are some photos from a year's worth of outings.  

These margaritas at On the Border are incredible and come in a variety of flavors--some of which are unique to this restaurant.











Makgeolli is a cloudy rice wine that one time was primarily for farmers.  Luckily, its deliciousness has transcended class barriers and you can now get it most everywhere.












Korean beer is, largely, flavorless lager.  It grows on you. Especially when it's in a nice evergreen bottle.

But the most delicious thing is this Korean raspberry wine.  It's like drinking candy.

Chapter Twenty: Just Eat It

How come you're always such a fussy young man.
Don't want no Captain Crunch, don't want no Raisin Bran.
Well, don't you know that other kids are starving in Japan.
So eat it, just eat it.

Don't want to argue, I don't want to debate.
Don't want to hear about what kind of food you hate.
You won't get no dessert 'till you clean off your plate.
So eat it.

A friend of mine once said "If ukuleles accordions were considered in the same class as guitars, Weird Al would be bigger than the Beatles."  Whether or not that's true, Weird Al's classic "Eat It" is a good introduction to some of my meals in the past year.

Even though my kitchen is small and I don't have an oven, cooking for myself has been a real boon during my stay in Korea.  I knew beforehand that veggies, rice, and tofu were easily acquired.  Finding things like pasta and spaghetti sauce were a boon I wasn't expecting.  I've gone through a lot of peanut butter too, which at 7 dollars for a small jar of Jif is a gourmet food here.  Though I've documented the challenges of not eating meat in Korea, that doesn't mean that you can't eat well here.

My attempt to make a tofu sandwich.








Vegan ddukbokki (rice noodle soup).  We added raymeon noodles to ours.  This was super good, super spicy, and super filling.








One of many stirfries, this one was spiced up with cashews and a strange form of tofu.







Thanks to some tvp from the homefront, I was able to have some delicious penne marinara.

Chapter Nineteen: Another Brick in the Wall

We don't need no education
We don't need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teacher leave them kids alone
Hey teacher leave them kids alone

Some of the children of Isponge, followed by a very important lesson in cultural sensitivity. You are never too young to learn!

Betty, who is as cute as a bug in a rug.

Ho-Jun, who is nicknamed "Tornado" for his exuberance.








Zion and Eun-Seok. I complimented Eun-Seok on his green vest last week and he has worn it every day since. (Don't tell anybody, but I would too.)









Sarah, looking intense. Whatever you do, don't call her "Tri-sarah-tops." She finds this neither witty nor amusing.







Rex is a genius. Look at his crossword puzzle; it's the hardest I could find (for English speaking adults) and it took him about 45 minutes to finish.

Chapter Eighteen: This Must Be the Place

Home is where I want to be
Pick me up and turn me round
I feel numb - born with a weak heart
I guess I must be having fun

Home - is where I want to be
But I guess I'm already there
I come home - she lifted up her wings
Guess that this must be the place

Big changes are coming to the blog, I hope. I redesigned it recently as well. When I moved to Seoul I wanted something dreary and grey and impersonal. But it turns out that dreary is...well, rather dreary. I want to make this blog easier to follow as well. Soon I will be traveling and there will be more updates, more pictures, and more videos.

In other news, I lost my camera (see the sidebar "An Irish Ambush in South Korea"). A new one is on the way but in the meantime this blog is going picture free.

I am working on some thoughts on Korea/wrap up posts. In the meantime, here are some of the things I miss from Portland after almost a year away. (Of course, friends and family top the list. But you guys all have big egos and I don't want to do anything to make your heads swell further.)

Powells: It's a city ... of books. Duh.

Bye and Bye: Good beer, vegan food, good music; just a cool place. Maybe the best hang out place I have found.

Sweat Pea: I have only been here half a dozen times or so, but I can say this is the best bakery I have ever been to. The fact that it's vegan is almost irrelevant; this place is simply awesome.

New Old Lompoc: This could be any of a thousand microbreweries, but I dig their seasonal stouts and filling mason jars with beer is always fun.

Laurelhurst Theatre: You mean there is a cinema that serves beer AND is cheaper than the big cinemas? Seems too good to be true. I chose this over the Baghdad and others because they offer more movies and better beer.

Wildwood Trail. Almost as amazing as the length and beauty of it is the ready accessibility. You can hope onto this sucker from so many different places and instantly you are transported into a wilderness experience.

Rain: Scoff all you want, but the winters in Oregon are beautiful in their own drizzly way. If nothing else, they make the first sunny day of spring feel like an international holiday. And if that doesn't convince you, consider that I've been waking up to temperatures of minus twenty (Celsius).

Atomic Art: Joanne is a legend and I wish I was still getting some work done from her. The only consolation: for the price of a large-ish tattoo, you can live in SE Asia for three or four months.

Blossoming Lotus: When I think about the food I miss, their avocado sandwich on whole grain bread comes up first. *Drools*

Belmont Station: A truly impressive collection of great beers. If they allowed international online ordering, I would have spent embarrassing amounts of money on importing IPA's and imperial stouts.

Por Que No? The food and daily drinks are great, but this is one of the only places where I feel the ambiance alone is worth the visit.

Last Thursday: Pure awesome. Urban life at its eclectic best, and one of the reasons that NE Portland has supplanted SE as my favorite part of town.

Wandering and discovering new things. Urban wandering in Korea is still fun, but you come across the same restaurants, shops, and areas that you find everywhere else. I miss wandering and finding something like an interesting new cafe or shop.

Fred Meyers: It surprises me too; Freddies is about as glamorous as finding ecoli in your salad. But it is one place that has many of the comforts of home. Homeplus and Emart are nice, but they don't quite have the same variety (though they crush in the gimchi and dried squid department).

Chapter Seventeen: Happy Christmas (War is Over)

So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun

John Lennon, despite getting Christmas and New Year's Eve mixed up, could write some songs. In the battle of best ex-Beatle Christmas anthems, poor Sir Paul could only muster Wonderful Christmas Time. Poor show, Sir Paul.

Christmas is a strange holiday because it sits in the middle. Most holidays, I think, fall into one of two categories.

Some holidays are outstanding when you're a kid You can spend the entire year looking forward to them and when they happen they're the best days of your life. Days like Easter, Groundhog's Day, 4th of July, Arbor Day (who knows why but kids love planting trees), birthdays, and, of course, Christmas.

Other holidays seem unnecessary when you're a kid but you grow to like: Thanksgiving, New Year's Eve, Memorial and Labor Day, MLK Day. Most of these are good because they involve days off from work and heavy eating/drinking.

I can only think of two in the middle: St Patty's and Halloween. It was great to dress in green and pinch the people you liked in elementary school, and it's great as an adult to drink as much Irish Stout as you want. The nature of the holiday has changed, but I think kids and adults like it the same. Substitute booze for candy, and Halloween has the same appeal for all ages--create a clever costume, see your friends, overload on the treat of your choice.

Christmas is definitely more adult friendly than Easter, which becomes mostly useless, but I think it's hard to capture that excitement that children get the night before Christmas. Still, Christmas is great because, no matter your age, you can find something enjoy from it.

Anyway, happy holidays to all who have stopped by. Whatever your reasons for celebrating this year (I always think celebrating Christmas is like celebrating winter, at least in the Northern Hemisphere) I hope you have a merry time of it.

I mentioned last month that I would try to come up with a list of the top 10 movies of this decade. This was a lot harder for me than music--I love music, but I can't go a day without comparing it to some movie or other. And I have shockingly little music aptitude or understanding of the craft, but with movies I at least can approach them with more understanding. I do tend towards a bit of film snobbery, and you won't find some obvious choices on here. The likes of Shrek, Juno, Spiderman, Lord of the Rings, Wall-E, Little Miss Sunshine, Almost Famous, Napoleon Dynamite won't be found here, because I consider them all some form of horrible.. But for fun I've mentioned, where appropriate, the movie that a proper critic would have included instead of my choice.

Honorable mentions: Ghost Dog, The Cuckoo, The Castle, Children of Men, Donnie Darko, Hallam Foe, In Bruges, The Fountain, Coraline, Requiem For a Dream, and Choke.

10. Best in Show
Fans of Waiting for Guffman and This is Spinal Tap were treated to the zenith of the mockumentary, while others were blown away by a simply hilarious movie.
Replaces: Any Judd Apatow comedy.

9. Stardust
This decade was fantastic for the sci-fi genre, and Stardust was, for Neil Gaiman fans, highly anticipated and somewhat overlooked. Amazing scenery, an impressive cast, and a well-written adaptation makes this the representative of the genre.
Replaces: Lord of the Rings.


8. Memento
This movie came out so early in the century that it's hard to remember how incredible it was. The unique structure, however, hasn't been matched since. Nolan of course went on to direct the Batman movies, but the performance he gets here from Guy Pearce is good as anything from Heath Ledger's Malcolm McDowell impersonation.
Replaces: The Dark Knight.

7. Religulous
Bill Maher can come off as a smarmy asshole, but this is one of the few movies that will really important questions. How can a supposedly secular country not bat an eyelash when its president starts a war because "god told him to"? With Larry David directing, though, it's never dull, and perfectly strikes the balance between thought-provoking and entertaining.
Replaces: Fahrenheit 911.


6. Layer Cake
In my opinion, the best British gangster movie of not just the decade but all time. Fans of this film were stoked to see Craig get nominated for Bond; this is one of those immanently quotable re-watchable movies that deserve to be watched by large groups.
Replaces: Snatch


5. Science of Sleep
My favorite of the surreal, mind-blowing films of the decade. Gael Garcia Bernal is slightly off-cast as an unsure Everyman, but he handles it with aplomb. The blurring of reality and fantasy is deftly handled, the supporting cast is great, and Gondry's direction is uniquely brilliant.
Replaces: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

4. Into The Wild
I loved the soundtrack, I loved the movie. It's so hard for a Hollywood production to be truly inspirational, it's amazing when it can actually happen.
Replaces: Broke Back Mountain

3. Shaun of the Dead
This is going to be a controversial statement, but this is hands-down the best rom-zom-com ever made. EVER.
Replaces: Nothing. There's nothing in the same class with it.

2. The Proposition
To me, the greatest western ever made. An amazing cast, a well-written and told story, a superb soundtrack, and a location that oozes off the screen. The advance of dreadful inevitability invokes Euripides and Camus.
Replaces: There Will Be No Country For Old Bloody Men

1. The Fall
Reminiscent of Del Toro or Gilliam at their best, this tale within a tale of a young girl is both highly familiar and unlike anything you've seen before.
Replaces: Pan's Labyrinth.

There you have it. If you haven't seen any of these films, even the Honorable Mentions, consider them to have my highest recommendation. Let me know if you agree/disagree with these choices, your feelings on the Yuletide season, or your Granny's recipes for home-made fudge in the comments please.

Chapter Sixteen: Ignorance is Bliss

"Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise."

Keen-eyed viewers will have lately noticed a certain lack of, well, Korean things in this blog. This is mostly because after eight or nine months, life is pretty routine and it's hard to keep saying, "So I saw some funny signs today."

But I realized that I have neglected one of the most amusing aspects of life in Korea. Koreans believe in some funny things. I say this, knowing that I hail from a country that thought not once but twice that having a retarded cowboy manage our lives would be a good idea. So understand that I laugh not at Korea but with it.

* Names. Korea is a literal place. The capital city is Seoul, which translates as "Capital." The river that flows through the city is called the Han, which translates as "Korean." The most popular food here is made of seaweed and rice, and it's called Kimbap. Kimbap literally means, of course, "seaweedrice."

* A fruit by any other name. They think westerners are quite silly in their classification of the tomato as a fruit. Strangely, though, I have not seen a fruit salad here that didn't prominently include tomatoes.

* Why is everyone playing Basketball? I assumed the reasons for this were self-evident. But Koreans start playing at a young age because they believe it will make them taller. They do tend to be quite tall, so maybe there's something to this one.

* Avoid the rain. What you or I might call a drizzle causes Koreans to duck under doorways and brandish umbrellas. The reason: they think that rain causes hair to fall out.

* Japan is evil. Koreans hate the Japanese with surprising ferocity, to the point that they won't eat their version of sushi with soy sauce because the Japanese do. To be fair, Japan was pretty brutal, both historically and in living memory, to Korea. But the children here will "Boo" and be very comfortable when Japan is brought up. North Korea to them, by contrast, is just a funny, "angry" place.

* Eat your fermented cabbage. An apple a day may no longer keep you medically fit, but Koreans have a superfood that will actually prevent swine flu! Kimchi says so right on the package, and it's been presented in the paper, on the news, and, well, everywhere. I never touch the stuff and I caught the swine, so this one might have some merit. One problem: Koreans eat it three times a day and still hundreds of thousands have caught the flue.

* Why was six afraid of seven? They don't know about the Panama canal, and hence lump America into one mega-continent. Why Europe, Asia, and Africa don't get the same treatment is unclear.

* I'm your biggest fan. This one sounds made up, but it's the mother of them all. If you leave your fan on, it will suck all the oxygen out of the room and you will die. This is not urban legend, it is in the news, validated by scientists, and even highly educated people are convinced it's true. Fans here are made with timers so they can shut off automatically and thus save your life.

It makes me wonder what follies we've all swallowed from our own cultures? Surely nothing as blatant as fan death? Would we know it if we did?

Anyway, here's something that my students have been learning recently. Sometimes I feel that teaching them to sing Beatles and quote Bill & Ted might not be of the utmost importance (only sometimes though, don't worry!) but the truth is that their coursebooks are less than useless and so full of errors that they hinder more than help their education.

Chapter Fifteen: November Rain

And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain, ohhh yeahhh
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain

Don't ya think that you need somebody
Don't ya think that you need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one


Autumn officially lasts another month, but winter is coming. Brutally hot as the summer blazed, the winter is not to be outdone. Armed with freezing cold and bolstered by frigid Siberian winds, winter is not worried about living up to its end of the bargain. I walked through a foot of snow yesterday in the mountains a few hours north of here. I like winter a lot. My favorite thing about winter is neither skiing nor eggnog nor Christmas. It's pockets. You put on a sweater and a jacket and suddenly you have pockets coming out of your ears. It's all well-and-good to chuck on a t-shirt and shorts in the summer time, but what about your pocket needs? You really have to look to winter for those. Stuffed with books, mp3 players, snacks, phones, and whatever else you want, it's easier to be prepared in winter.

As of today, I've hit my three-quarters mark here in Korea, which is strange for two reasons. Part of me thinks I've only been here for 9 days, whereas the rest of me is convinced that I've been here for 9 years. I suppose 9 months is a happy medium. It is a bizarre amount of time, though. I have the ennui-laden ambivalence that college kids call senioritis. I feel like I have one foot out the door already, but 3 months is no short time. Sure, in retrospect it will have gone by quickly, but what part of life doesn't, in retrospect?

Like Bilbo Baggins before he gave the ring to Frodo, I am feeling a bit stretched out. A bit weary. Luckily, Rivendell looms in a few short months. and though there be orcs, Nazgul, and forgetful innkeepers opposing me, I'm pretty sure I'll make it. As rewarding as teaching the young kids can be, if I teach again I think I'll go for a slightly older crowd. Like high school students. Or senior citizens.

***

Do you know what's weird? This decade is almost over. Wha? Y2k was ten years ago! Holy hell, that makes me feel old. And did we ever decide what to call this decade? Aughts? Naughts? I guess it's a moot point now, but here's a more topical question. Do we call 2010-2012 the teens or the pre-teens?

Hmmm. Anyway, in recognition of the decade's closing, I've compiled a baker's dozen of the best albums of the decade. I make no claims about these other than personal preference. If it wasn't already clear, this list reveals that I am not a scenester. This music is all pretty well-known and accessible. I'm also trying to rank these based on how great I thought they were at the peak of their popularity, not how I feel now.

Compiling this was tough. This soon-to-be-gone decade tried to help by completely sucking for the first 2 or 3 years, but the middle years of the decade were not nearly so complacent. I think the 2000's rank with the best of any other time in terms of quality rock.

First the honorable mentions, and there are quite a few. Many of these albums could be in the conversation for best ever, and if you were to tell me one of them was your favorite album, I would perfectly understand. The list includes:

Black Keys: Rubber Factory.
Audioslave: Audioslave.
Battles: Mirrored.
QoSA: Songs for the Deaf.
Killers: Hot Fuss.
Xavier Rudd: Solace/Food in the Belly.
Weezer: Red Album.
Vampire Weekend: Vampire Weekend.
Pendulum: Hold Your Colour.
Camille: Le Fil.
Bernard Fanning: Tea & Sympathy.
Tegan and Sarah: So Jealous.
Decemberists: Plcaresque.
Snow Patrol: Eyes open.
Arcade Fire: Funeral.
Datarock Datarock.

And now, the top thirteen albums of 2000-2009.

13. Gorrillaz: Demon Days. Albarn at his best and the videos are awesome.

12. Postal Service: Give Up. Such Great Heights might be THE anthem of the decade.

11. Pinback: Summer in Abadon. These guys are just amazing.

10. Red Hot Chili Peppers By the Way. An album that sounds better the more time goes by.

9. Death Cab for Cutie: Plans. Gibbard again. Though fans will claim the earlier albums were better, this is the one that will always remind me of 2006.

8. Into the Wild Soundtrack As good as anything Vedder has ever done.

7. Interpol: Antics. Like their global crime-solving namesakes, there's nothing these guys can't do.

6. Franz Ferdinand Franz Ferdinand. This album restored my faith in music.

5. Modest Mouse: Good News For People Who Love Bad News. One of the rare albums without a bad song.

4. Bloc Party: Silent Alarm. There's never a time I'm not in the mood to listen to this.

3. Kings of Leon: Only by the Night. Good old fashioned rock, at times reminiscent of The Joshua Tree.

2. The Raconteurs: Consolers of the Lonely. After seeing them live, my respect grew exponentially.

1. Wofmother: Wolfmother. Though they split after this album, it was enough. Like the previous two albums on this list, it was a throwback to the 70s and enhanced by blues. I wish I could have seen them live.


Special mention goes to The Knife, one of my favorite bands. But I can't decide between Deep Cuts, Silent Shout, and their self titled album to list just one.


Next month, I'll try to come up with something even more challenging. The top 10 films of the 2000's. And then maybe even the top 10 books too. I like lists.

What bands/albums did I forget? Please comment with thoughts or complaints.

Chapter Fourteen: This is Halloween

Boys and girls of every age
Wouldn't you like to see something strange?
Come with us and you will see
This, our town of Halloween
This is Halloween, this is Halloween
Pumpkins scream in the dead of night
This is Halloween, everybody make a scene
Trick or treat till the neighbors gonna die of fright
It's our town, everybody scream
In this town of Halloween

Well it's late October now, which is the best time of the year. In Korea they know about Halloween--Korea is one of the rare places not biased against American holidays (even though Halloween derives from the Celtic holiday as we all know). But it's not like you can get the things you need for a costume or party very easily. I'm not complaining; you don't come to Korea for the Halloween parties but I am a little wistful thinking about all the celebrations back home. And I miss things like pumpkin beer, warehouses filled with costumes and props, haunted houses, apple cider, and crisp, colorful leaves.

But I've got Halloween movies, and that's no mean consolation. With that in mind, I've made a list of my seven favorite Halloween programs. What makes for a good Halloween flick, you ask? To me, it can be something as gory as Saw or as tame as the escaped gorilla tormenting Donald Duck and his nephews so long as it captures something about the spirit of Samhain.

7. Night of the Living Dead. This classic is almost Lovecraftian with its applications of creeping dread, and I think it still has a claim as the greatest zombie movie ever made.

6. Simpsons Treehouse of Horror V. Yes, I'm including the Shining spoof but not the Shining. I love Kubrick's flick, but it's just not seasonal enough for me to include on this list. This one is, and you get Homer's time machine toaster and the cannibal cafeteria segments to boot,

5/4. The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. Both Disney's Bing Crosby version and Tim Burton's re-imagining ooze the crispness of autumn and Halloween.

3. Halloween. One of the few "slasher" movies that relies on suspense as much as a high body count. Carpenter's score is legendary, and Donald Pleasance is inspired. Plus, you know, it's called "Halloween" for a reason.

2. It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. "I got a rock."

1. The Crow. I'm a dude and thus don't cry at movies, but this one is sad enough without even thinking about the real-life horribleness that accompanied it. More importantly, it's freakin' awesome!

Am I missing anything? Please add others in the comments.

UPDATE: It turns out I was missing one, but that's not to be blamed since it didn't exist a week ago. Presenting the newly created masterpiece: THE GHOUL AND THE GIRL.

That kind of entertainment aside, I've been having a lot of fun on the weekends. The last month or two has included hiking on Bukhansan, a trip to a massive man-made waterfall, two more excursions to Seoraksan, the discovery of a vegan cafe in Seoul, beach camping on an island, a festival featuring the Prodigy and Pendulum, and a ten-day whirlwind visit from my mother. Those who have lived abroad know how nice it is to share the experience with friends and family from back home, and my mom loved Korea. I think that as a tourist destination, it's vastly underrated.

But don't take my word for it. Check out the photographic (if not necessarily photogenic) proof.

This massive structure was built recently as part of an enducement to encourage Koreans to move to the outskirts of Seoul. It would work for me; this area is one of the nicest I've seen in Seoul.

The foliage and mountains of Seoraksan.

Rachel and I visit an Irish pub.

A trip to Loving Hut, a vegan cafe.

My mother and me at Lotte World, an insanely fun theme park.

The views from the highest peak on Deokjeokdo, a nearby island.

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Koreans love statues of genitalia, and the wood carvings aren't by any means limited to the male anatomy. Still, these were rather special even by Korean standards.

Chapter Thirteen: Noraebong and Road Trip Games

I never thought I'd see the day, but I've run out of Seoul/Soul song name puns. Ack! That leaves me at a bit of a loss but fear not ... I'll probably think of something else punny to include sooner rather than later.

Today we take a look at the Top 10 Noraebong songs. I know you've all been desperately curious so it's good that you clicked on the blog today. This list is obviously skewed towards music that I like, but I've found that these go over with a variety of people, including Koreans and other foreigners.

There is a bias towards fast songs, because slow ones simply don't get people involved enough and because it's harder to hide your own crappy singing in slow songs. But perhaps they'll make their own list later.

THE TOP 10 NORAEBONG SONGS

10. Feel Good,Inc: This is a great song in and of itself, but getting some singing, some rapping, and some harmonizing all in one song makes it a great contribution to the Noraebong night.

9. Buddy Holly: This is a song that everyone knows and it's fun to go "ooh-ooh" along with Rivers.

8. Total Eclipse of the Heart: This song's inclusion is probably self evident.

7. Hey Ya: This is a fun song to sing and includes shout out to the ladies and the fellas. And everyone enjoys shaking it like a Polaroid picture.

6. Tainted Love: The 80's don't have a huge representation in Noraebong, at least not songs in English, but this one is great (though hard to find; not every place has it).

5. Mr. Brightside: (You can substitute "Somebody Told Me," "When We Were Young," or any other Killers song for that matter. They all make great Noraebong fodder.

4. Song #2: Fast, loud, and requires lots of jumping.

3. Bohemian Rhapsody: Wayne's World proved that this was an awesome song to rock out too, and the noraebong just confirms it.

2. Take me Out: With a nice slow intro, a crazy change-up from nowhere, and a chorus that was written to be shouted, this is the song I pick most nights as the grand finale.

1. Smells Like Teen Spirit: This is the song with everything. It had to overcome some difficult competition, but with slow bits, loud parts, jumping parts, passionate parts, and lots of talk about mosquito and libidos this is the number one song in Noraebong.

Honorable mention: Ghostbusters, Living on a Prayer, Betterman, I Want to Know What Love Is.

Wishlist: The Noraebong book is massive and the Korean songs are updated quite frequently. The English part is maybe 1/10 of the book and the newest songs are still 2-3 years old. But if I could request new songs, these would be amongst the leading contenders.

Rooster, It's Tricky, No Rain, Computer Camp Love, Sex on Fire / On Call, Evil, Level, Alive, White Winter Hymnal

***

A plethora of long trips has caused some new games to be developed. Continuing with the theme, one of the more interesting is called "Name that National Anthem." Somebody names a song, any song, and the others have to pick the country that it should be the national anthem for. You can give any rationale you like, but you are required to justify it. Obviously, once a country has been listed it is off limits for the rest of that game.

Here are some examples. They seem obvious now but naming a random song and hearing an answer you didn't expect is quite hilarious. If you find yourself on a bus or waiting for a train with an hour or three to kill, I recommend trying this out.

[Most of these should be pretty self evident, but feel free to ask a question in the comments if you want to know. ]

Stand by Your Man (Saudi Arabia)

Hey Jealousy (England)

Hello Goodbye (North and South Korea)

Groove is in the Heart (Holland)

Stayin' Alive (Congo)

Sex and Candy (Thailand)

Monster Mash (Scotland)

Baby One More Time (India)

Shut Up (France)

Don't Look Back in Anger (Germany)

Mad World (Madagascar)

Do You Really Want to Hurt Me? (Palestine)

Scar (Cambodia)

Chapter Twelve: Seoulja Boys and Girls

With my halfway point officially in the rearview mirror, I still have so much to do and see in Seoul and in Korea. Many of my friends are leaving now; their contracts are up. It's weird seeing them leave, as they were the seasoned veterans I relied on both for advice and funny stories. And it's weirder thinking that I'm now where they were when I got here.

I am now the longest tenured teacher at my school--counting the Korean teachers, which is rare. (And a sign of how poorly our school is run.) We now have two teachers doing the work of three, and our boss thinks we are her servants, to the point of commanding us to spend time with her on weekends. It can be unpleasant. The best thing about the job, by far, is the kids. While they still can and do hit, lick, spit, and cry, seeing kids who 6 months ago didn't know their English names ask questions using complete sentences is pretty amazing.

I try to make English as fun as I can, so I have taught them a couple of things not in the course books. (I have spent the last week trying to make a video of this all compiled but Windows Movie Maker has crashed on me every time. So the following videos are raw and uncut, just the way my readers like it.)

The first is a line from Bill and Ted they are learning, the second is part of their Princess Bride education, and in the third they show off their ninja moves.

Chapter Ten: Seoul Sucking Jerk

Today's blog is brought to you by the legendary Beck.

I got a job making money for the man
throwing chicken in a bucket with a soda pop can
I ain't gonna work for no soul sucking jerk
I'm gonna take it all back and I ain't sayin' jack
I'm standing right here with the beer in my hand
and my mouth is full of sand and I don't understand

I had a strangely vivid dream the other night. I was back in the States, and although I was very excited to find myself there, I realized it was 10:30 pm and everywhere I wanted to see was already closed. In Portland, 10:30 is just a few hours away from last call. In Korea, 10:30 is just about dinner time. Suddenly I really missed Korea.

I never know how to interpret dreams, but this one seems to be quite clear. "Enjoy Korea," it said. Well, okay dream voice. With that instruction in mind, here are several things about Korea that I greatly enjoy.

* Universal phone chargers. Every phone uses the same charger--this means your work place, hotels, cafes, etc all have communal chargers that anyone can use.

* Super duper fast downloading. For those who download, Korea is ridiculous. I've seen it as fast as up to 2 MBs a second. At that rate, you could download a feature-length movie in under a minute.

* 24 hour convenience stores [never more than three minutes away.] They sell snacks, sundries, beers, (and, one time, kittens) and they have tables in front where you can sit outside and eat noodles or drink beer. They also have huge rolls of gimbap (Korea's equivalent of sushi) for one dollar and Korea's answer to inari for 2.50.

* Ding Dong Buttons. Many restaurants and bars have buttons on the table to call your waiter. It never gets old pressing them.

* Altitude. There are mountains to climb everywhere. The views from them are a mashup of hills, granite peaks, skyscrapers, and urban sprawl.

* Hilarious Konglish shirts. This is a post-in-and-of itself. But imagine the funniest sayings you can and then give them worse grammar and spelling than you would think possible. They are always in English; I have never once seen one with Hangol on it.

* Bottles of soju. Soju tastes like nasty vodka and is about half as strong. Why would you drink it? Well it mixes nicely with coke or orange juice. And how much does a 500 ml bottle cost? About a buck.

* Cheap street food. Meals and snacks cost somewhere between 80 cents to 1.50.

* Public Transportation. The subway runs so often that waiting for 5 minutes seems very inconvenient. In addition, subway stations are mini malls with everything from food to clothes to guinea pigs. T-shirts cost as little as 3 bucks. There is one card (or cool device) for phone/subway/taxi. Recharging it is easy as can be.

* Fruit and Veggies. They are for sale everywhere on the back of trucks slowly driving through the neighborhoods.

* No tipping. Enough said.

* AC: The summers here are hot. But who cares? Almost every apartment has air conditioning!

* Noraebong (Korea's version of karaoke) is everywhere. From my co-teachers' apartments, you can see 6 or 7 of them.

* Service (freebies with everything). You never know where or when you are going to get something, let alone what it may be, but it keeps you on your toes. I got a red bean icy last time, which isn't as delicious as it sounds.

* Free bar snacks: This is a good one. You never know what you're going to get, but it's always good. From peanuts to coffee peanuts to buja mix to spicy sesame sticks to fruit loop like balls to wheat rings, bars always serve snacks.

Summing up, many of the great things about Korea fall into one of two categories. Either something is convenient beyond belief (like mini-marts everywhere) or utterly random (like costumed, stilted people in the streets to promote a new business or special sale). Another instance is the Korean word "dong," which can mean "neighborhood" or "poop," depending on how you use it.

UPDATE: July 19th. I forget to include several things in my original list. Oops.

* Green tea flavor: Many things are flavored green tea here, but the best are Hall's cough drops. Maybe not a good enough reason to come to Korea by themselves, but these coughcrops are great.

*Soymilk: Speaking of flavors, I've seen soymilk in varieties such as chestnut, pumpkin, and cereal. (Cereal is sort of wheat flavored and a little strange but not at all unpleasant.)

*Dolsot bibimbap While cultural differences have rendered the vast majority of Korean food inedible to me, this dish is amazing. Rice and veggies and hot sauce sizzling in a hot pot=deliciousness.

*Hair cuts: A haircut here only cost 8 dollars, and includes a head washing and a scalp massage. Just be careful because one barber pole means a barber but two mean a brothel.

*Darts: Most bars have cool dartboards. They are cheap and high tech-- with crazy electronic sound effects and little movies when you get a really good score.

*The term "Assah!" It's usually translated as "awesome" but I think it's closer to "sweet" or maybe "W00t." The kids say it a lot and consequently so do many of the English teachers.

*3D Roller coasters: What do you get when you combine a motion simulator with a 3D Movie? A virtual roller coaster where you can pick settings from the old west to the future to Dinosaurs!

***

There was a recent article that Koreans think foreigners come here "with fake diplomas to do drugs." This is funny because there are many places where getting drugs can be easier, including our home countries, or Thailand, or almost anywhere else. While this
disapproval is hard to deal with at times, it can be liberating when everyone already doesn't like you. (Koreans on an individual basis can be quite friendly, but using broad brush-strokes they collectively aren't that happy to see foreigners.)

With everyone already thinking you're an idiot, you have carte blanche to do whatever you please. You can make stupid faces for the camera on the subway, pose with statues in crowded places, or just make an ass of yourself whenever you feel like it. The only strange part is that when the occasional other foreigner happens along, it feels extra weird.

Alright, my dream voice is telling me to stop typing and go enjoy Korea some more. Good bye!

Chapter Nine: (Right About Now) The Funk Seoul Brother

This entry was brought to you by Norman Cook, aka Fatboy Slim.

I'm coming up on my 4 month anniversary already--1/3 of my time in Korea is over. That's not so long--sort of like pretending turning 25 is a big deal because it's "a quarter of a century." But it's not a small amount of time, either. It's further proof, I suppose, that time really flies regardless of what you have going on in your life. What's strange is I feel like this is my reality, that I've been here forever, but when I look back on my time here I might not even remember the first couple months.

The biggest thing going around recently has been the paranioa about the Pig flu. I've been doing my best to ignore current events and for the most part have done just that. But with alarmed parents phoning in, this one is harder to avoid than, say, the hyserics about North Korea. All foreign teachers at my school have had to get our temperature checked twice now. If we cough or sneeze on the subway or elsewhere in public, we will get glared at (worse than usual) and people may actually move away. Many Koreans think that only foreigners can catch this flu, and they are very suspicious of all of us showing any symptoms of any cold. The irony here is that any sick foreigner here has probably gotten it from working with Korean children, whose idea of hygiene is sucking the snot off their fingers before they rub them on your face and try to put them into your mouth.

My average break at school.

Conditions at the school have been far from ideal, but the more draining the week days, the more I try to do on weekends. In the last few weeks, I've been to Suwon (again), Lotte World (a Korean version of Disney Land), a zoo (called Zoo Zoo) Seoul Grand Park (self-explanatory), up Bukhansan, and ascended the Seoul Tower. This is in addition to patronizing places like various Wa Bars (a western style bar), various Garten Biers (Korea's version of German bars), and several Noraebongs until the wee hours of the morning.

The Teddy Bear museum at the top of Seoul Tower.

Panda Bear ride at Lotte World.

The Legend of "Sindbad" ride.

And continuing the recent trend of videos, here is proof that I am not, in fact, faster than water:

Chapter Eight: Seoul to Squeeze

This chapter was brought to you by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. (Obviously.)

Where I go I just don't know

I got to got to gotta take it slow.

When I find my piece of mind

I'm gonna give you some of my good time.

Everything has been going very well here in the Land of Morning Calm. One-quarter of my time here is up, which is surprising. I have more or less put learning Korean on the backburner--the awareness that learning the alphabet (already somewhat difficult for me) was a small beans compared to accumulating a Korean vocabulary sort of took the wind out of my sails. If I was going to stay for another year there would be no excuse (there's really no excuse now, apart from laziness) and in truth I would strongly consider staying in Korea for another year if there weren't so much of the world left to see. But apart from that, I am set up now: cell phone, bank account, debit card. I know good restaurants in a couple different parts of town, really enjoy Korean bar snacks, don't think twice anymore at having my choice of beer be virtually indistinguishable lager, and don't even notice people staring much anymore.

School is going well, for the most part. There are still hiccups, mostly caused by my own poor decisions. But almost every class I have the kids are showing some real improvement. There are two kids who started off as hideous troublemakers both of whom are highly intelligent and starting to get plugged in and it's pretty awesome.

I've named a few more kids, some inadvertently. In my kindergarten, Rex is now "T-Rex," which took no great stretch of imagination. But I learned he asked his mom to start calling him that, since it was the nickname I gave him, which was cute. In my other kindergarten, another kid who always had a Korean name has, due to prolonged exposure to my geekiness and coloring book choices, now chosen his official English name: Ice Dragon.

Another kid in my afternoon class asked for an English name of a monster, but I was warned that his parents wouldn't appreciate anything too crazy. And so was Je-beoum dubbed "Jaguar;" he seems pretty happy about it.

The key to teaching seems to be simple: treating the kids like human beings. Sure they're little kids and still maturing and learning, but as long as they're treated fairly and consistently they can pretty much deal with any terms or rules put upon them.

One thing at Isponge that I would like to share is how horrible the stories are that we subject to the kids. Stories we all grew up knowing: Three Little Pigs, Goldilocks, The Hare and the Tortoise, The Three Billy Goats' Gruff, and The Goose that Laid the Golden Age are all butchered almost beyond recognition. Incorrect grammar, confusing illustrations, bad voice acting on the CD, and confusing word choices all combine to create something so different from the original that I am surprised the kids even like it.

It was hard to choose one for an example, because they're all so epically, tragically bad. But I went with this one because it's pretty bad and also I taught it today so it's fresh in my mind.

***

Last Friday was Teacher's Day. This is a day that parents and students make a point of thanking the teachers and provide various gifts. I enjoyed mine, and got two roses, some soap, socks, and a Padres hat. It is always nice for people to make a point of being thankful. And I'm really appreciative of it. But from talking to other teachers, I realized it could have been even grander. Some got wine, others got pizzas delivered to them. Some teachers got gift vouchers as good as cash--one person got 200 bucks worth!

Apart from school, I've been exploring Seoul and Korea to the best of my ability on the weekends. I'm gone down to Suwon and up to Ilsan, both very nice places on the northern and southern edges of Seoul, respectively.

I climbed a small mountain in my neighborhood, another called Cheonggyesan and one hill/mountain near Bukhansan. Best of all was an escape from Seoul to the fishing village of Sokcho and Seoraksan mountain in the north part of South Korea. This is the part of the blog where I try to let the pictures live up to their reputation as word-beaters, so without further ado...

Possibly one of the more puzzling signs I've seen. Who needs a toilet when they're hiking?

Sunset in the 'Gu.

A cool farmer's market at Cheonggyesan with loads of veggies.

The castle walls ...

...and the Dragon Train in Suwon.

And a handful from Seoraksan below.

As always, any acclaim or disdain is welcome. Please share your thoughts in the comments. Until next time....