Chapter Seventeen: Happy Christmas (War is Over)

So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun

John Lennon, despite getting Christmas and New Year's Eve mixed up, could write some songs. In the battle of best ex-Beatle Christmas anthems, poor Sir Paul could only muster Wonderful Christmas Time. Poor show, Sir Paul.

Christmas is a strange holiday because it sits in the middle. Most holidays, I think, fall into one of two categories.

Some holidays are outstanding when you're a kid You can spend the entire year looking forward to them and when they happen they're the best days of your life. Days like Easter, Groundhog's Day, 4th of July, Arbor Day (who knows why but kids love planting trees), birthdays, and, of course, Christmas.

Other holidays seem unnecessary when you're a kid but you grow to like: Thanksgiving, New Year's Eve, Memorial and Labor Day, MLK Day. Most of these are good because they involve days off from work and heavy eating/drinking.

I can only think of two in the middle: St Patty's and Halloween. It was great to dress in green and pinch the people you liked in elementary school, and it's great as an adult to drink as much Irish Stout as you want. The nature of the holiday has changed, but I think kids and adults like it the same. Substitute booze for candy, and Halloween has the same appeal for all ages--create a clever costume, see your friends, overload on the treat of your choice.

Christmas is definitely more adult friendly than Easter, which becomes mostly useless, but I think it's hard to capture that excitement that children get the night before Christmas. Still, Christmas is great because, no matter your age, you can find something enjoy from it.

Anyway, happy holidays to all who have stopped by. Whatever your reasons for celebrating this year (I always think celebrating Christmas is like celebrating winter, at least in the Northern Hemisphere) I hope you have a merry time of it.

I mentioned last month that I would try to come up with a list of the top 10 movies of this decade. This was a lot harder for me than music--I love music, but I can't go a day without comparing it to some movie or other. And I have shockingly little music aptitude or understanding of the craft, but with movies I at least can approach them with more understanding. I do tend towards a bit of film snobbery, and you won't find some obvious choices on here. The likes of Shrek, Juno, Spiderman, Lord of the Rings, Wall-E, Little Miss Sunshine, Almost Famous, Napoleon Dynamite won't be found here, because I consider them all some form of horrible.. But for fun I've mentioned, where appropriate, the movie that a proper critic would have included instead of my choice.

Honorable mentions: Ghost Dog, The Cuckoo, The Castle, Children of Men, Donnie Darko, Hallam Foe, In Bruges, The Fountain, Coraline, Requiem For a Dream, and Choke.

10. Best in Show
Fans of Waiting for Guffman and This is Spinal Tap were treated to the zenith of the mockumentary, while others were blown away by a simply hilarious movie.
Replaces: Any Judd Apatow comedy.

9. Stardust
This decade was fantastic for the sci-fi genre, and Stardust was, for Neil Gaiman fans, highly anticipated and somewhat overlooked. Amazing scenery, an impressive cast, and a well-written adaptation makes this the representative of the genre.
Replaces: Lord of the Rings.


8. Memento
This movie came out so early in the century that it's hard to remember how incredible it was. The unique structure, however, hasn't been matched since. Nolan of course went on to direct the Batman movies, but the performance he gets here from Guy Pearce is good as anything from Heath Ledger's Malcolm McDowell impersonation.
Replaces: The Dark Knight.

7. Religulous
Bill Maher can come off as a smarmy asshole, but this is one of the few movies that will really important questions. How can a supposedly secular country not bat an eyelash when its president starts a war because "god told him to"? With Larry David directing, though, it's never dull, and perfectly strikes the balance between thought-provoking and entertaining.
Replaces: Fahrenheit 911.


6. Layer Cake
In my opinion, the best British gangster movie of not just the decade but all time. Fans of this film were stoked to see Craig get nominated for Bond; this is one of those immanently quotable re-watchable movies that deserve to be watched by large groups.
Replaces: Snatch


5. Science of Sleep
My favorite of the surreal, mind-blowing films of the decade. Gael Garcia Bernal is slightly off-cast as an unsure Everyman, but he handles it with aplomb. The blurring of reality and fantasy is deftly handled, the supporting cast is great, and Gondry's direction is uniquely brilliant.
Replaces: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

4. Into The Wild
I loved the soundtrack, I loved the movie. It's so hard for a Hollywood production to be truly inspirational, it's amazing when it can actually happen.
Replaces: Broke Back Mountain

3. Shaun of the Dead
This is going to be a controversial statement, but this is hands-down the best rom-zom-com ever made. EVER.
Replaces: Nothing. There's nothing in the same class with it.

2. The Proposition
To me, the greatest western ever made. An amazing cast, a well-written and told story, a superb soundtrack, and a location that oozes off the screen. The advance of dreadful inevitability invokes Euripides and Camus.
Replaces: There Will Be No Country For Old Bloody Men

1. The Fall
Reminiscent of Del Toro or Gilliam at their best, this tale within a tale of a young girl is both highly familiar and unlike anything you've seen before.
Replaces: Pan's Labyrinth.

There you have it. If you haven't seen any of these films, even the Honorable Mentions, consider them to have my highest recommendation. Let me know if you agree/disagree with these choices, your feelings on the Yuletide season, or your Granny's recipes for home-made fudge in the comments please.

Chapter Fifteen: November Rain

And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain, ohhh yeahhh
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain

Don't ya think that you need somebody
Don't ya think that you need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one


Autumn officially lasts another month, but winter is coming. Brutally hot as the summer blazed, the winter is not to be outdone. Armed with freezing cold and bolstered by frigid Siberian winds, winter is not worried about living up to its end of the bargain. I walked through a foot of snow yesterday in the mountains a few hours north of here. I like winter a lot. My favorite thing about winter is neither skiing nor eggnog nor Christmas. It's pockets. You put on a sweater and a jacket and suddenly you have pockets coming out of your ears. It's all well-and-good to chuck on a t-shirt and shorts in the summer time, but what about your pocket needs? You really have to look to winter for those. Stuffed with books, mp3 players, snacks, phones, and whatever else you want, it's easier to be prepared in winter.

As of today, I've hit my three-quarters mark here in Korea, which is strange for two reasons. Part of me thinks I've only been here for 9 days, whereas the rest of me is convinced that I've been here for 9 years. I suppose 9 months is a happy medium. It is a bizarre amount of time, though. I have the ennui-laden ambivalence that college kids call senioritis. I feel like I have one foot out the door already, but 3 months is no short time. Sure, in retrospect it will have gone by quickly, but what part of life doesn't, in retrospect?

Like Bilbo Baggins before he gave the ring to Frodo, I am feeling a bit stretched out. A bit weary. Luckily, Rivendell looms in a few short months. and though there be orcs, Nazgul, and forgetful innkeepers opposing me, I'm pretty sure I'll make it. As rewarding as teaching the young kids can be, if I teach again I think I'll go for a slightly older crowd. Like high school students. Or senior citizens.

***

Do you know what's weird? This decade is almost over. Wha? Y2k was ten years ago! Holy hell, that makes me feel old. And did we ever decide what to call this decade? Aughts? Naughts? I guess it's a moot point now, but here's a more topical question. Do we call 2010-2012 the teens or the pre-teens?

Hmmm. Anyway, in recognition of the decade's closing, I've compiled a baker's dozen of the best albums of the decade. I make no claims about these other than personal preference. If it wasn't already clear, this list reveals that I am not a scenester. This music is all pretty well-known and accessible. I'm also trying to rank these based on how great I thought they were at the peak of their popularity, not how I feel now.

Compiling this was tough. This soon-to-be-gone decade tried to help by completely sucking for the first 2 or 3 years, but the middle years of the decade were not nearly so complacent. I think the 2000's rank with the best of any other time in terms of quality rock.

First the honorable mentions, and there are quite a few. Many of these albums could be in the conversation for best ever, and if you were to tell me one of them was your favorite album, I would perfectly understand. The list includes:

Black Keys: Rubber Factory.
Audioslave: Audioslave.
Battles: Mirrored.
QoSA: Songs for the Deaf.
Killers: Hot Fuss.
Xavier Rudd: Solace/Food in the Belly.
Weezer: Red Album.
Vampire Weekend: Vampire Weekend.
Pendulum: Hold Your Colour.
Camille: Le Fil.
Bernard Fanning: Tea & Sympathy.
Tegan and Sarah: So Jealous.
Decemberists: Plcaresque.
Snow Patrol: Eyes open.
Arcade Fire: Funeral.
Datarock Datarock.

And now, the top thirteen albums of 2000-2009.

13. Gorrillaz: Demon Days. Albarn at his best and the videos are awesome.

12. Postal Service: Give Up. Such Great Heights might be THE anthem of the decade.

11. Pinback: Summer in Abadon. These guys are just amazing.

10. Red Hot Chili Peppers By the Way. An album that sounds better the more time goes by.

9. Death Cab for Cutie: Plans. Gibbard again. Though fans will claim the earlier albums were better, this is the one that will always remind me of 2006.

8. Into the Wild Soundtrack As good as anything Vedder has ever done.

7. Interpol: Antics. Like their global crime-solving namesakes, there's nothing these guys can't do.

6. Franz Ferdinand Franz Ferdinand. This album restored my faith in music.

5. Modest Mouse: Good News For People Who Love Bad News. One of the rare albums without a bad song.

4. Bloc Party: Silent Alarm. There's never a time I'm not in the mood to listen to this.

3. Kings of Leon: Only by the Night. Good old fashioned rock, at times reminiscent of The Joshua Tree.

2. The Raconteurs: Consolers of the Lonely. After seeing them live, my respect grew exponentially.

1. Wofmother: Wolfmother. Though they split after this album, it was enough. Like the previous two albums on this list, it was a throwback to the 70s and enhanced by blues. I wish I could have seen them live.


Special mention goes to The Knife, one of my favorite bands. But I can't decide between Deep Cuts, Silent Shout, and their self titled album to list just one.


Next month, I'll try to come up with something even more challenging. The top 10 films of the 2000's. And then maybe even the top 10 books too. I like lists.

What bands/albums did I forget? Please comment with thoughts or complaints.

Chapter Fourteen: This is Halloween

Boys and girls of every age
Wouldn't you like to see something strange?
Come with us and you will see
This, our town of Halloween
This is Halloween, this is Halloween
Pumpkins scream in the dead of night
This is Halloween, everybody make a scene
Trick or treat till the neighbors gonna die of fright
It's our town, everybody scream
In this town of Halloween

Well it's late October now, which is the best time of the year. In Korea they know about Halloween--Korea is one of the rare places not biased against American holidays (even though Halloween derives from the Celtic holiday as we all know). But it's not like you can get the things you need for a costume or party very easily. I'm not complaining; you don't come to Korea for the Halloween parties but I am a little wistful thinking about all the celebrations back home. And I miss things like pumpkin beer, warehouses filled with costumes and props, haunted houses, apple cider, and crisp, colorful leaves.

But I've got Halloween movies, and that's no mean consolation. With that in mind, I've made a list of my seven favorite Halloween programs. What makes for a good Halloween flick, you ask? To me, it can be something as gory as Saw or as tame as the escaped gorilla tormenting Donald Duck and his nephews so long as it captures something about the spirit of Samhain.

7. Night of the Living Dead. This classic is almost Lovecraftian with its applications of creeping dread, and I think it still has a claim as the greatest zombie movie ever made.

6. Simpsons Treehouse of Horror V. Yes, I'm including the Shining spoof but not the Shining. I love Kubrick's flick, but it's just not seasonal enough for me to include on this list. This one is, and you get Homer's time machine toaster and the cannibal cafeteria segments to boot,

5/4. The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. Both Disney's Bing Crosby version and Tim Burton's re-imagining ooze the crispness of autumn and Halloween.

3. Halloween. One of the few "slasher" movies that relies on suspense as much as a high body count. Carpenter's score is legendary, and Donald Pleasance is inspired. Plus, you know, it's called "Halloween" for a reason.

2. It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. "I got a rock."

1. The Crow. I'm a dude and thus don't cry at movies, but this one is sad enough without even thinking about the real-life horribleness that accompanied it. More importantly, it's freakin' awesome!

Am I missing anything? Please add others in the comments.

UPDATE: It turns out I was missing one, but that's not to be blamed since it didn't exist a week ago. Presenting the newly created masterpiece: THE GHOUL AND THE GIRL.

That kind of entertainment aside, I've been having a lot of fun on the weekends. The last month or two has included hiking on Bukhansan, a trip to a massive man-made waterfall, two more excursions to Seoraksan, the discovery of a vegan cafe in Seoul, beach camping on an island, a festival featuring the Prodigy and Pendulum, and a ten-day whirlwind visit from my mother. Those who have lived abroad know how nice it is to share the experience with friends and family from back home, and my mom loved Korea. I think that as a tourist destination, it's vastly underrated.

But don't take my word for it. Check out the photographic (if not necessarily photogenic) proof.

This massive structure was built recently as part of an enducement to encourage Koreans to move to the outskirts of Seoul. It would work for me; this area is one of the nicest I've seen in Seoul.

The foliage and mountains of Seoraksan.

Rachel and I visit an Irish pub.

A trip to Loving Hut, a vegan cafe.

My mother and me at Lotte World, an insanely fun theme park.

The views from the highest peak on Deokjeokdo, a nearby island.

---

Koreans love statues of genitalia, and the wood carvings aren't by any means limited to the male anatomy. Still, these were rather special even by Korean standards.

Chapter Thirteen: Noraebong and Road Trip Games

I never thought I'd see the day, but I've run out of Seoul/Soul song name puns. Ack! That leaves me at a bit of a loss but fear not ... I'll probably think of something else punny to include sooner rather than later.

Today we take a look at the Top 10 Noraebong songs. I know you've all been desperately curious so it's good that you clicked on the blog today. This list is obviously skewed towards music that I like, but I've found that these go over with a variety of people, including Koreans and other foreigners.

There is a bias towards fast songs, because slow ones simply don't get people involved enough and because it's harder to hide your own crappy singing in slow songs. But perhaps they'll make their own list later.

THE TOP 10 NORAEBONG SONGS

10. Feel Good,Inc: This is a great song in and of itself, but getting some singing, some rapping, and some harmonizing all in one song makes it a great contribution to the Noraebong night.

9. Buddy Holly: This is a song that everyone knows and it's fun to go "ooh-ooh" along with Rivers.

8. Total Eclipse of the Heart: This song's inclusion is probably self evident.

7. Hey Ya: This is a fun song to sing and includes shout out to the ladies and the fellas. And everyone enjoys shaking it like a Polaroid picture.

6. Tainted Love: The 80's don't have a huge representation in Noraebong, at least not songs in English, but this one is great (though hard to find; not every place has it).

5. Mr. Brightside: (You can substitute "Somebody Told Me," "When We Were Young," or any other Killers song for that matter. They all make great Noraebong fodder.

4. Song #2: Fast, loud, and requires lots of jumping.

3. Bohemian Rhapsody: Wayne's World proved that this was an awesome song to rock out too, and the noraebong just confirms it.

2. Take me Out: With a nice slow intro, a crazy change-up from nowhere, and a chorus that was written to be shouted, this is the song I pick most nights as the grand finale.

1. Smells Like Teen Spirit: This is the song with everything. It had to overcome some difficult competition, but with slow bits, loud parts, jumping parts, passionate parts, and lots of talk about mosquito and libidos this is the number one song in Noraebong.

Honorable mention: Ghostbusters, Living on a Prayer, Betterman, I Want to Know What Love Is.

Wishlist: The Noraebong book is massive and the Korean songs are updated quite frequently. The English part is maybe 1/10 of the book and the newest songs are still 2-3 years old. But if I could request new songs, these would be amongst the leading contenders.

Rooster, It's Tricky, No Rain, Computer Camp Love, Sex on Fire / On Call, Evil, Level, Alive, White Winter Hymnal

***

A plethora of long trips has caused some new games to be developed. Continuing with the theme, one of the more interesting is called "Name that National Anthem." Somebody names a song, any song, and the others have to pick the country that it should be the national anthem for. You can give any rationale you like, but you are required to justify it. Obviously, once a country has been listed it is off limits for the rest of that game.

Here are some examples. They seem obvious now but naming a random song and hearing an answer you didn't expect is quite hilarious. If you find yourself on a bus or waiting for a train with an hour or three to kill, I recommend trying this out.

[Most of these should be pretty self evident, but feel free to ask a question in the comments if you want to know. ]

Stand by Your Man (Saudi Arabia)

Hey Jealousy (England)

Hello Goodbye (North and South Korea)

Groove is in the Heart (Holland)

Stayin' Alive (Congo)

Sex and Candy (Thailand)

Monster Mash (Scotland)

Baby One More Time (India)

Shut Up (France)

Don't Look Back in Anger (Germany)

Mad World (Madagascar)

Do You Really Want to Hurt Me? (Palestine)

Scar (Cambodia)

Chapter Ten: Seoul Sucking Jerk

Today's blog is brought to you by the legendary Beck.

I got a job making money for the man
throwing chicken in a bucket with a soda pop can
I ain't gonna work for no soul sucking jerk
I'm gonna take it all back and I ain't sayin' jack
I'm standing right here with the beer in my hand
and my mouth is full of sand and I don't understand

I had a strangely vivid dream the other night. I was back in the States, and although I was very excited to find myself there, I realized it was 10:30 pm and everywhere I wanted to see was already closed. In Portland, 10:30 is just a few hours away from last call. In Korea, 10:30 is just about dinner time. Suddenly I really missed Korea.

I never know how to interpret dreams, but this one seems to be quite clear. "Enjoy Korea," it said. Well, okay dream voice. With that instruction in mind, here are several things about Korea that I greatly enjoy.

* Universal phone chargers. Every phone uses the same charger--this means your work place, hotels, cafes, etc all have communal chargers that anyone can use.

* Super duper fast downloading. For those who download, Korea is ridiculous. I've seen it as fast as up to 2 MBs a second. At that rate, you could download a feature-length movie in under a minute.

* 24 hour convenience stores [never more than three minutes away.] They sell snacks, sundries, beers, (and, one time, kittens) and they have tables in front where you can sit outside and eat noodles or drink beer. They also have huge rolls of gimbap (Korea's equivalent of sushi) for one dollar and Korea's answer to inari for 2.50.

* Ding Dong Buttons. Many restaurants and bars have buttons on the table to call your waiter. It never gets old pressing them.

* Altitude. There are mountains to climb everywhere. The views from them are a mashup of hills, granite peaks, skyscrapers, and urban sprawl.

* Hilarious Konglish shirts. This is a post-in-and-of itself. But imagine the funniest sayings you can and then give them worse grammar and spelling than you would think possible. They are always in English; I have never once seen one with Hangol on it.

* Bottles of soju. Soju tastes like nasty vodka and is about half as strong. Why would you drink it? Well it mixes nicely with coke or orange juice. And how much does a 500 ml bottle cost? About a buck.

* Cheap street food. Meals and snacks cost somewhere between 80 cents to 1.50.

* Public Transportation. The subway runs so often that waiting for 5 minutes seems very inconvenient. In addition, subway stations are mini malls with everything from food to clothes to guinea pigs. T-shirts cost as little as 3 bucks. There is one card (or cool device) for phone/subway/taxi. Recharging it is easy as can be.

* Fruit and Veggies. They are for sale everywhere on the back of trucks slowly driving through the neighborhoods.

* No tipping. Enough said.

* AC: The summers here are hot. But who cares? Almost every apartment has air conditioning!

* Noraebong (Korea's version of karaoke) is everywhere. From my co-teachers' apartments, you can see 6 or 7 of them.

* Service (freebies with everything). You never know where or when you are going to get something, let alone what it may be, but it keeps you on your toes. I got a red bean icy last time, which isn't as delicious as it sounds.

* Free bar snacks: This is a good one. You never know what you're going to get, but it's always good. From peanuts to coffee peanuts to buja mix to spicy sesame sticks to fruit loop like balls to wheat rings, bars always serve snacks.

Summing up, many of the great things about Korea fall into one of two categories. Either something is convenient beyond belief (like mini-marts everywhere) or utterly random (like costumed, stilted people in the streets to promote a new business or special sale). Another instance is the Korean word "dong," which can mean "neighborhood" or "poop," depending on how you use it.

UPDATE: July 19th. I forget to include several things in my original list. Oops.

* Green tea flavor: Many things are flavored green tea here, but the best are Hall's cough drops. Maybe not a good enough reason to come to Korea by themselves, but these coughcrops are great.

*Soymilk: Speaking of flavors, I've seen soymilk in varieties such as chestnut, pumpkin, and cereal. (Cereal is sort of wheat flavored and a little strange but not at all unpleasant.)

*Dolsot bibimbap While cultural differences have rendered the vast majority of Korean food inedible to me, this dish is amazing. Rice and veggies and hot sauce sizzling in a hot pot=deliciousness.

*Hair cuts: A haircut here only cost 8 dollars, and includes a head washing and a scalp massage. Just be careful because one barber pole means a barber but two mean a brothel.

*Darts: Most bars have cool dartboards. They are cheap and high tech-- with crazy electronic sound effects and little movies when you get a really good score.

*The term "Assah!" It's usually translated as "awesome" but I think it's closer to "sweet" or maybe "W00t." The kids say it a lot and consequently so do many of the English teachers.

*3D Roller coasters: What do you get when you combine a motion simulator with a 3D Movie? A virtual roller coaster where you can pick settings from the old west to the future to Dinosaurs!

***

There was a recent article that Koreans think foreigners come here "with fake diplomas to do drugs." This is funny because there are many places where getting drugs can be easier, including our home countries, or Thailand, or almost anywhere else. While this
disapproval is hard to deal with at times, it can be liberating when everyone already doesn't like you. (Koreans on an individual basis can be quite friendly, but using broad brush-strokes they collectively aren't that happy to see foreigners.)

With everyone already thinking you're an idiot, you have carte blanche to do whatever you please. You can make stupid faces for the camera on the subway, pose with statues in crowded places, or just make an ass of yourself whenever you feel like it. The only strange part is that when the occasional other foreigner happens along, it feels extra weird.

Alright, my dream voice is telling me to stop typing and go enjoy Korea some more. Good bye!